getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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