batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
