hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
