I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
