When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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