My Higher Power is John Stamos
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
