She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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