you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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