High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
