My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
