Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
