In the future we'll all be gay
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
