We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
