I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
