...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
