I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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