Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
