Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
