Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
