There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
