remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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