I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
