She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
