I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
