The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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