Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
