he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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