Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
