i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
