I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
