Sry I called you an 8
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
