ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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