just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
