oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
