Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
