i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
