hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
