i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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