First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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