dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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