you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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