I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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