just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
