i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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