i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
