About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
