trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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