Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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