I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
