I wish I could teleport
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
