I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
