last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
