I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
