I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
