DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
