we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
