her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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