I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
