can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
