only you would photoshop your dick
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
