So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
