believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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