Buhtt sex?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
