i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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