I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
